“This Can’t Get Any Better”
It’s tied 2-2, 1minute left every thing is tense (I was watching TV.)
I’m shaking my leg I was hoping we were going to win. I was saying to my self “come on, come on, come on!” SCORE!!! “WOOT!!” I shouted. I remember talking to my uncle in New York. We made a bet that if Canada won he would have to buy me a ticket to New York but if we lost I would have to buy him a ticket to Vancouver. Then we went down town for the closing ceremony. Everything was out of control. Then it was time for the closing ceremony. Then I thought to my self “this can’t get any better!!!” when we got to BC Place my eyes widened. I was speechless; I was amazed how Nickelback and Hedley played. I remember going to McDonalds. It was disgusting then I remembered I was going camping the next day. Then the day was over. Then the next morning I popped out of bed. I packed some stuff, and of course I can’t forget Mr. Monkey. So my mom dropped me of and I said “bye mum.” So I crossed the cross walk struggling to carry my luggage. I said good morning to Mr.Tesan, we got in Mr. Tang’s bus.
THE END
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This day was a big one for me as well Andy. Like you, most of my family was gathered at my parents house to watch the gold medal game. Toward the end of the game my grandmother "Nona" was so stressed by the action that she couldn't stand to watch. She stood in the kitchen while we yelled updates from the next room!
ReplyDeleteIn some ways Andy, writers are like butchers. One of the skills they develop is knowing what can be cut away and tossed out, and what should be kept and valued. In future posts, keep a keen eye on the "so what?" of your piece. Be focused, and know what it is you want your readers to experience. You will find that your writing will be more powerful if you choose to deeply explore one idea, rather than trying to touch on many.
A good first start!
I like your story, but mabey stay on one topic like Mr.T said!!
ReplyDelete