I am from warm days in Canada. I am from watching the sunset from the kitchen window. I am from listening birds chirp every morning. I am from yummy pastas warm bowls of clam chowder and cold sweet bowls of ice cream. I am from my grandparents, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles. I am from my mother, my father, my brother, my sisters and my chinchilla. I am from fancy hotels in Machao, warm days in Las Vegas and big malls in Portland. I am from playing foursquare with my friends and picking berries with my family.
A nice start Eleanor. Please read my comment to Julia as much of it applies to your piece as well. In your next piece, think about how you can break up the lines of your poem to create rhythm and feeling. Poems are not just pieces of art to be read, but to be heard as well. Think about how your presentation of the words on the page, changes the sound of your poem when it is read. Read your poem once out loud.
Now read it when it is presented differently:
I am from warm days in Canada.
I am from watching the sunset from the kitchen window.
I am from listening to birds chirp every morning.
I am from yummy pastas warm bowls of clam chowder and cold sweet bowls of ice cream.
I am from my grandparents, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles.
I am from my mother, my father, my brother, my sisters and my chinchilla.
I am from fancy hotels in Machao, warm days in Las Vegas and big malls in Portland.
I am from playing foursquare with my friends and picking berries with my family.
I am…
It makes a difference doesn't it? Reading your poems out loud will help you to understand what your poems need when you revise them.
I like your poem.
ReplyDeleteIsn't the letter way too big?
Eleanor, can you make sure next time that you arrange your poem so that its like a list, because i found it harder to read it.
ReplyDeletegood detail
ReplyDeleteA nice start Eleanor. Please read my comment to Julia as much of it applies to your piece as well. In your next piece, think about how you can break up the lines of your poem to create rhythm and feeling. Poems are not just pieces of art to be read, but to be heard as well. Think about how your presentation of the words on the page, changes the sound of your poem when it is read. Read your poem once out loud.
ReplyDeleteNow read it when it is presented differently:
I am from warm days in Canada.
I am from watching the sunset
from the kitchen window.
I am from listening
to birds chirp every morning.
I am from yummy pastas
warm bowls of clam chowder
and cold sweet bowls of ice cream.
I am from my grandparents,
my cousins,
my aunts and my uncles.
I am from my mother,
my father, my brother,
my sisters and my chinchilla.
I am from fancy hotels in Machao,
warm days in Las Vegas
and big malls in Portland.
I am from playing foursquare with my friends
and picking berries with my family.
I am…
It makes a difference doesn't it? Reading your poems out loud will help you to understand what your poems need when you revise them.
Mabey make the font a little smaller because its easyer to read and it dose'nt take up mush space.
ReplyDeletegood job
ReplyDelete