Friday, May 7, 2010

I am from

I am from the place where I have lived all my life,beautiful and green I am from Kensington plaza,where I feel safe walking alone there I am from bbq chicken and meat and how I feel the warmth of the flame I am from my grandpa Faustino who died before I was born UI am from Roger martin who lost a leg from cancer and took me to my first NHL gameI am from my cousins shouting " IMMA FIRRIN MA LAZAH BAAAAAH!!!!!!" I am from Guatemala and i hear the chickens clucking I am from the Lochdale dancesand how Nick,Brady and I always get axe and gel on I am from UFC and WWE.
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5 comments:

  1. Ilija KukoljMay 7, 2010 at 3:41 PM

    Interesting Poem, i like it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Queennicole12May 7, 2010 at 6:11 PM

    I agree with you Ilija the peom it is wornderful. Canyou put your name at the end of your poem ? next time

    ReplyDelete
  3. juliaMay 7, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    I like your poem, nice job

    ReplyDelete
  4. wenshenlee4May 8, 2010 at 7:49 PM

    Andy, make sure you arrange your poem so that i can read it better, cause it was harder to read when its like a paragraph.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mr.TMay 9, 2010 at 4:07 PM

    I love this Andy! There are some very specific and quite interesting images created here. You do a nice job of providing description and highlighting some of the sensory experiences (The warmth of the flame... The clucking of the chickens...) that are tied to the things you've mentioned. Details like this help your readers to understand your mind and your experiences. Good work.

    In future pieces think about what Wen Shen had to say about the presentation of your piece. Also read my comments to Julia and Eleanor as they apply here as well.

    I've edited your poem with these ideas in mind, just to show you how important line breaks can be in poetry...


    I am from the place
    where I have lived all my life,
    beautiful and green

    I am from Kensington plaza,
    where I feel safe walking alone

    I am from bbq chicken
    and meat
    and how I feel the warmth of the flame

    I am from my grandpa Faustino
    who died before I was born

    I am from Roger martin
    who lost a leg from cancer
    and took me to my first NHL game

    I am from my cousins shouting
    "IMMA FIRRIN MA LAZAH BAAAAAH!!!!!!"

    I am from Guatemala
    and i hear the chickens clucking

    I am from the Lochdale dances
    and how Nick,
    Brady and I
    always get axe
    and gel on

    I am from UFC
    and WWE.


    Breaking up your poem in this way helps the reader to better understand the rhythm and feel of your words.

    ReplyDelete

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