I am from the sandy beach's on a tiny little island.
I am from hot delcious homemade soups.
I am from my family members who tell me they love
me when they kiss me goodnight.
I am from shorts and t-shirts in the summer.
I am from rolling down a hill on a hot summer day.
I am from the music flowing through the air.
I am from the sweat dripping off your boxing glove
after just punching someone.
I am from riding through the snow as fast as i can i the
winter.
I am from reading ghost stories then never been able to
go to sleep.
~I am Aurelle Dupasquier~
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This describes exactly who you are Aurelle! Good work!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lauren. It describes exactly who you are.
ReplyDeleteNice job!
I also agree with those who commented before me! I can read this poem and almost instantly know who it describes. Great job Aurelle. I am particularly taken by the image in the line, "I am from sweat dripping off your boxing glove..." This creates such a powerful and particular image in my mind. I can see the glove pulling back in slow motion, light glistening of its moistened surface... Very effective.
ReplyDeleteIn future poems, focus on the idea of "Show Don't Tell". For example, when I think of "shorts and t-shirts in the summer..." very vivid feeling and emotions come to mind. There is a particular freedom that comes with summer and the warmth that it provides. It would be a powerful experience for the reader if you could connect to some of these feelings and emotions.
I look forward to reading more!