Sunday, May 9, 2010

I am from gooey maple syrup every weekend
I am from the stones that make up the great wall
I am from wood sticks and ruber pucks
I am from the studs of lego bricks
I am chalkbords, pencils and erasers
I am from the swinging tree branches of Macdonald park
I am from sparing and belt promotions
I am from the caring hands of my family
I am from the planet earth

by justin
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3 comments:

  1. Mr.TMay 9, 2010 at 4:31 PM

    An elegant piece Justin! Your poem communicates a peaceful and laid back calm, a sense of contentedness.

    As a reader, though, I wonder how the author of this piece feels about these things, what these things mean to him. It would be nice to see you expand your descriptions of these items to include your own thoughts and reflections, your own feelings.

    Perhaps you could continue to explore these in a future piece?

    ReplyDelete
  2. aurelleMay 10, 2010 at 7:14 PM

    I like your story! Try to add some show don't tell next time!

    ReplyDelete
  3. wenshenlee4May 24, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    Justin, maybe you can add more "show dont tell" next time

    ReplyDelete

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